Wreckage | Easy Delicious Recipes

Dolly Wants to Play…

April 23, 2010 – 1:30 pm | by admin

There really is nothing more terrifying than a creepy baby doll. I’m serious. They freaked me out as a kid and still manage to scare the pants off me today, what with their static staring eyes and little outstretched zombie arms and all. Thankfully, there’s a new baking trend that makes these dolls waaaaaay less creepy. (I’m lying; these are terrifying. Proceed with caution.) Don’t… make… eye contact… All tucked in, and ready to kill. “Ooh! I’ll take that corner piece…” “…and an arm. But that’s it . I’m dieting.” Note: This cake is not to scale. Usually the pacifier is much larger. Is it impolite to suck frosting off the baby’s legs? It is? Poor taste, huh? … Ok, what about its head? … No? Fine. I’ll just collect my watermelon and show myself out. Thanks, Valentina, Liz C., Carrie J., and Dana S.! Ya know, these cakes started out as creepy , but now they’re looking kinda DELICIOUS. Mmmm…. babies…. grlslgrsagagagle….. – Related Wreckage: Come On Barbie, Let’s Go Party

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Tags: babies, cakes, doll, dolls-waaaaaay, frosting, Legs, nothing-more, pacifier, suck-frosting, taste, watermelon, wreckage

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A Haiku for You, Deer

March 22, 2010 – 1:30 pm | by admin

Soft blue and brown swirls somehow incomplete without a beheaded deer . Grace R., I hear this costs about 10 bucks. – Related Wreckage: Fire!

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Tags: beheaded-deer, beyond bizarre, brown-swirls, costs, Deer, recipes, related, result, somehow-incomplete, swirls, wreckage

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It’s Life, Jim, But Not As We Know It

March 18, 2010 – 2:44 pm | by admin

We can always count on our Wreckporters to explore strange new worlds, seek out new life and new civilizations, and boldly submit some of the rarest wreck species ever seen. Like the skinnileg piglet nervosia , or ” South American Worried Grasshopper Pig:” Thankfully, this one is saying “Oink!” so we can differentiate between the Grasshopper Pig and the Machu Picchu Googly-Eyed Hot Dog. The hippopotamus runoverus , or the “Peruvian Pink Pan-Flattened Hippo Dragon:” The pepto hallucinatus , or “What You See in Your Dreams After You Eat Sausage Pepperoni Pizza Before Bed:” This friendly guy, the runfor yourlife itsa tarantula withrabies , or the “Chilean Snuggly Bug:” And finally, the quackae lasiks caterpillarus , or “Someone Should Probably Go Ahead and Call an Exterminator… and an Eye Doctor.” Ryan S., Jill B., Seth W., Stephanie B., and Anne R., you must be awesomus wreckporterus! Related wreckage: Creepy Crawly Cakes

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Tags: doctor, dreams, hippopotamus, pepperoni, peruvian-pink, piglet, pizza, result, sausage, tarantula, wreckage

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My, SOMEBODY’s Been Busy…

March 11, 2010 – 2:30 pm | by admin

It’s all downhill from here, Laura S. – Related Wreckage: European!

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Tags: all-downhill, laura, recipes, related, result, wreckage

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To Be Read By Rod Serling

March 10, 2010 – 8:51 pm | by admin

Deedeedeedeeedeedeedeedee You unlock this bakery with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension. A dimension of icing. A dimension of piping bags. A dimension of wreckitude . You’re moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of bad taste and even worse skill. You just crossed over into… The Twilight Zone. BUM BUM BAAAAAHHHH … Picture, if you will… a monkey. This monkey: I know, creepy right? [shivering] Brrrrrr . Totally. [resuming serious announcer voice] Ahem. Now picture, if you will, five ravenous-yet-dim-witted Shih Tzu dogs: [sternly] Let’s call them Muffy , Boopsie , Precious, Buttercup and Mr. Snuggles. Now picture, if you will, a face of terror that watches in malignant silence far beyond your present capacity to understand. A face enigmatically bizarre in terms of time and space. A face… …of a tweety bird. Now picture, if you will, Meerkat Zombies…raising the roof. “What up, playah?” This is the stuff of fantasy, the thread of imagination, the ingredients… of the Twilight Zone. BUM BUM BAAAAAHHHHH … SQUEEDLE DEEEE !!! Jennifer P., Matt N., Christine S., and Melanie L., picture, if you will… a dolphin eating …

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Tags: ambiance, buttercup, creepy cakes, dimension, meerkat, present, think-it-adds, tweety, twilight, wreckage

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Wedding Day Jitterbugs

March 9, 2010 – 2:30 pm | by admin

Uh, guys? Somebody might want to call an exterminator. Why? Well, you know those ” crawfish ” on the wedding cake? Yeeeah . They’re looking a bit more like cockroaches. Amanda L., those cockroaches look a lot more like cockroaches than any other cockroaches I have ever seen. Cockroachescockroachescockroaches …. Related Wreckage: Wedding Day Advice

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Tags: advice, bit-more, cake, cockroaches, crawfish, day, do you see what i see, exterminator, like-cockroaches, lot-more, recipes, the-wedding, wedding, wedding cakes, wreckage

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Hold On to Your Hats, Sports Fans…

March 2, 2010 – 2:44 pm | by admin

Wreckporter Barry B. gives us the skinny: My wife went into a cake maker to get a small cake for my birthday. They asked what she’d like on it and she said, “How about the Chicago ‘C’, like The Chicago Bears’ ‘C’ logo? Is that possible?” They said, “The Chicago C? No problem.” …it was the funniest present I’ ve ever received. Let’s hope that Justina felt the same way about her University of Michigan cake, which was supposed to look like this: But ended up looking like this : Oh! A swing and a miss! Karen M.’s son asked for the Alabama “A” on his birthday cake. To help the bakery out, his aunt brought in a photocopy of his Alabama hat to use as a reference. (Can you sense where this is going? If not, then you really haven’t been reading this blog long enough. Heh .) Ready? Here’s the cake: Thank goodness they didn’t bring the actual hat in; that icing would take forever to clean off. – Related Wreckage: Sports Sense

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Tags: bears, birthday, cake, chicago, funniest, goodness, help-the-bakery, maker, michigan, recipes, related, sports-sense, swing, wreckage

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Cakes Only A Mother Could Love

February 17, 2010 – 2:30 pm | by admin

I think the following cakes are really special. Like seeing a beautiful newborn for the first time, these baby shower cakes leave me… well, speechless. What a coincidence! E.T. was on my TV today, too! Ethan… phone home… (and tell your parents Jersey Shore called. They want their tan back.) “Hi, bakery? I have a baby shower coming up. Do you make cupcakes?” “Baby shower CUP cakes? Yeah. We can ‘handle’ that.” If you squint your eyes, it’s actually not a baby at all, but a bronzed, muscular man in a wife-beater popping out of the cup. See it? See it? Let’s call him Joe . He must be posing for his mug-shot . Just look at those eyes! He really knows how to espresso himself, doesn’t he? Thanks to Dawn M. for finding these little bundles of joy. It’s been a latte fun! – Related wreckage: The Creepiness Continues

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Tags: bundles, creepiness, espresso, following-cakes, muscular, parents, popping-out, related, result, shower, wife, wreckage

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Sports Sense

February 16, 2010 – 5:15 pm | by admin

As many of you have probably guessed by now, I get all my news from the Wrecks you send in. Now, is this: Efficient? No. Current? HAH ! Uh, no. Entertaining? Yooouuu betcha . Case in point: I believe that football-related thing I mentioned before has finally happened. And it’s called… The Superboll ? No, the Supper Bowl. Or… Super Bowel? Hey, I kinda like the sound of that. Now, all it needs is… This! Woohoo ! Go, super bowel! Go go go!! Ok , maybe we should just call it “The Game.” Perfect. From all this Wreckage, I also know there were two teams involved in “the game.” First we have the Colts, who are big Katamari fans: (You know, Katamari ? The game with the giant tube-head guys? Aw, check out this cute Katamari wedding cake ; you’ll see what I mean.) And then there are the Saints, aka “the team with the logo most likely to be butchered by cupcake cakes [ patooie !!]“: I think we both get the point here, don’t you? Hey, look, a CCC with appeal! Yep, that banana is a peelin …

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Tags: case, colts, cupcake, cute, game, recipes, super-bowel, superboll, woohoo, wreckage, writer

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Chappy Chanukah

December 10, 2009 – 8:30 am | by admin

Carly e-mailed yesterday to chastise my current completely-Christmas collection of carnage. She asked that I share some equal-opportunity Wreckage for my Jewish homies to “enjoy.” Now, I can only work with what I’m given, so please don’t take my excessive postings of Santa and Frosty and Poo- dolph as any kind of religious bias. Believe me, I will snicker equally at Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and even Winter Solstice Wreckage if given the chance. Trouble is, those holidays just don’t score many cakes. Still, let’s see what we’ve got in the ol ‘ Wrecks files, shall we? [shuffle shuffle shuffle] Ok , here’s something: how about a little clashing blue icing, plastic flotsam, and an ” ak “?: I would make a crack about the KKK hiding out in ” Hanukkak ,” but I think that might be construed as bad taste. Still, could be worse, right? Can you imagine what would happen if a Wreckerator tried to draw the menorah or Star of David or dreidel ? Nah, me neither. But that’s ok : I have examples . Heehee ! Here we have some (Ninja) Stars of David: Yep, that’s the trouble with tracing…

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Tags: actually-pretty, excessive, happy-hanukkah, jewish, light-the-alien, menorah-or-star, plastic-flotsam, recipes, related, shuffle-shuffle, winter, winter-solstice, wreckage