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TMI Valentines

February 11, 2010 – 8:30 am | by admin

0b52016355sspell 112x150 TMI Valentines

MOM ALERT: today’s Wrecks may start some awkward conversations with the kids. When choosing sweets for your Sweet this week, think twice before going with one of these. The cocky Wreckerator strikes again! (Although s/he seems a bit unsure:”Huge.. Me…”?) I’ve heard of taking a flying leap before, but this is ridiculous. Stores aren’t really helping with their Valentines’ displays, either: Something about this sign just rubs me the wrong way. I wish I could say “breast” is a Freudian slip here, but it isn’t. (I’ll spare you *that* picture, though. Heh.) Still, the way this is phrased makes me wonder why some guy named Valentine is demanding we women yell instructions at one of our wachungas. ( “You there! Lefty! Stop slouching and face front!” ) And finally, the sure-fire mood killer: “Darlin’, let’s make a really ugly baby together. Or maybe just eat this one.” Grant H., Anthony S., Meredith S., Jennifer S., & Jen F., that baby cake would be a hilarious Valentine for an ex. Not that I’m encouraging that kind of thing, of course. ;) – Related Wreckage: Heart Expressions

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What’s That Spell?

February 3, 2010 – 12:57 pm | by admin

0abc061a89otball 150x112 Whats That Spell?

For all you football lovers out there, I *think* today’s cakes all have football team names on them. (That’s my keen deductive reasoning at work again. That, and the teensy plastic footballs. ) PRO TIP: Sometimes “sounding it out” doesn’t always work out. ‘Course, neither does this: I especially like the dash. Go – Wreckerators ! ” Zoot -a-lo! ‘E’ is missing!” (Now try to read that aloud without sounding French. Go on. Eh? Am I right?) Team Chorger is apparently made up of a single player. Aw. Sad. This next one isn’t so much a spelling error as it is a “Hey-o! Lunchtime! ” error: If the Patriots were from Detroit, this would be perfectly excusable: What’s worse than misspelling your team’s name? How about misspelling the name of your state? Yowza. Hey, is there an echo in here? The NYJ’s Jets? Isn’t that like saying the ATM machine? (Oh, see, NOW I’m hitting close to home, huh? Yeah. Don’t feel bad; I’ve said it, too.) This final one doesn’t have a name at all, but I like this decorator’s style: It’s simple yet effective, in a poetic kind …

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Isn’t It Ironic? Don’t Ya Think?

January 22, 2010 – 10:35 am | by admin

cc049c5663atcher 150x112 Isnt It Ironic? Dont Ya Think?

I guess there wasn’t room to add “In Math.” * headdesk * Take heart, Peter; you only have to turn one once. Amy M., Aliesha K., & Melissa M., this is like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife. Only, you know, in an ironic kind of way. – Related Wreckage: Sweet, Sweet Irony

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Better Late Than Never: Happy New Year!

January 18, 2010 – 8:30 am | by admin

800e09ed27pacing 150x112 Better Late Than Never: Happy New Year!

I guess technically I *did* wish y’all a Wreckalicious new year back on the 1st, but so many late, great New Year’s Wrecks have come in that I figured an encore was called for. Let’s kick things off with some of the most creative letter cramming I’ve seen: To err is human, and to arr is pirate – but to kill the “r” by stomping on it with a “yea” is allll Wreckerator . Speaking of creative, I didn’t know we could write 2010 as a fraction! May your 2010 be at least 2% better than 2009. And may all your zeros have squishy yellow handles. Something tells me this martini was shaken, not stirred: And aren’t you glad you have me here to tell you that was supposed to be a martini? This year, let’s remember to celebrate all of the punctuation marks: Yep, here’s to you, “!”! Next week we’ll raise our glasses to the semicolon. And, of course, I saved my favorite for last: It’s hard to appreciate a Wreckerator who’s this far ahead of his/her time. Jami R., Berry D., Hannah, Jamie P., Pam S., & Katie C., since

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"Special" Deliveries

January 6, 2010 – 8:30 am | by admin

5399d3f091elling 150x112 "Special" Deliveries

I will love him/her and squeeze him/her and call him/her “Babs.” Good friends, the Hooks and Slices always hoped their little ones might one day grow up and fall in love. However, little James’ love of the open sea and life-long distaste of children would eventually drive Sally to drinking and raising teacup poodles. (Although after the ASPCA stepped in, she was forced to stick to just raising them.) Here’s a tip: if your last name is Bignar , and you want your shower cake to read “Welcome Baby,” proceed with caution . Wow. It’s not often one gets to witness the birth of an embarrassing nickname! Do you suppose a kid named “Finally” could ever get addressed in a non-sarcastic manner? I mean, think about it: ” Finally! You’re here!” And finally lastly, my personal favorite: Ah yes, Luca Joeseph Kiwi Mango – that’s the name of kings, right there. Tasty, fruity kings. Anony M., Alisa K., Carrie B., Shane M., & Amy C., how many people do you suppose asked what flavor the cake was? – Related Wreckage: The Name Game

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Spelling Airs

December 29, 2009 – 8:30 am | by admin

51d224076dsspell 150x112 Spelling Airs

We all know that nearly all cake decorators misspell “congratulations” every day. (Um, John? I don’t think…) This is obviously because they’re either drunk or completely incompetent. (Okay now, we’re totally gonna get in trouble for that…) Now you might be saying, “I thought all drunk and completely incompetent people were politicians?” (Well, that’s true.) But you would be wrong! (I would?) Which brings us back to cake. (Oh, good.) See? Comgratation . Interestingly enough, there are close to 3,000 accepted spellings of ” congradulationed ” in the decorators’ dictionary. Occasionally, though, they do spell it goodly: Like so. Of course, sometimes after successfully spelling a word the thrill goes to the baker’s head. Thusly we get ” Ternifer ” – a hybrid creation of “Terrific” and the name of the person who ordered the cake, perhaps? Here again the decorator got the “hard” word right: Sure, the number’s a bit, well, wrong…but hey, numbers are hard! Wisites : n. [ wi -SET- eez ] Small, fuzzy mammals indigenous to Uganda prized for their venom, which is said to cure gout and certain types of restless leg syndrome. See? No misspellings here! Well, ya’ll have a grrr – reat day now. Oh, and decorators? Bottoms up! Jessica E., Christy C., Dana S., & Jessica, watch out; I hear those wisites …

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Make Today Marry

December 25, 2009 – 8:30 am | by admin

ad23fcb666istmas 150x112 Make Today Marry

Marry who, you ask? Why, marry Christmas, of course! And going by this next cake, I’m guessing “Christmas” is a small plush snowman: Although that giant smear of icing does make you wonder what it *used* to say. Here they got “Merry” right, but…. (Correction: I meant to say “however.” So stop looking at me like that.) Here’s an interesting one: ” Alue “? [blink blink] Yeah, I got nuthin ‘. If you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time, then you know how important it is to get those writing and grammar skills ingrained at a young age. Like so. Now, it IS Christmas, so I’m afraid the big guy has to make an appearance: And I am so, so sorry. He does come bearing greetings, however. Although if you misspell “Christmas,” then he’s going to go all stony faced. Still, I can’t think of a better harbinger of Christmas cheer than a really, really constipated Santa: Dude . Nick, seriously, try a little coffee or something. I think you’re about to put the “pop” in “apoplexy.” Well, happy Christmas, my dear Wreckies ! Oh, and Krystle M., Michelle I., Jane K., Travis P., Sarah, Merideth S., Nils T., & Lisa H., also don’t forget the…

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Seasoning’s Greetings

December 18, 2009 – 8:30 am | by admin

8342c60786nguins 150x112 Seasonings Greetings

There are plenty of reasons why you might not want to wish someone a merry Christmas. Maybe you’re trying to be more inclusive of the cooking community: Or you’re celebrating the oft-overlooked “Hally Days”: Or perhaps you want all of their various ” hollidays ” to be happy: Or maybe – just maybe – you’re trying to get your friend Roxanna a goodbye cake but all the bakery has on hand are stock Merry Christmas designs so you’re forced to make do with one of those and then hope the Wreckerator on duty doesn’t screw up your instructions too badly. But that’s just a guess. Annie J., Kat I., April B., & Kimberly I., I think it’s high time we all agreed that “Winter, underlined” really is the best greeting of the season – don’t you? – Related Wreckage: In Which Happy Tanks SHOULD Be Given, But Are Not —————————————————————————————————– Today’s charity, Love146 , has one simple, compelling, gut-wrenching goal: “The abolition of child sex slavery and exploitation. Nothing less.” If you have a box of tissues nearby, read how they got their name . Then go give that dollar – or maybe a few. Click here to donate via our First Giving Campaign

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The Amercian Way

November 11, 2009 – 8:53 am | by admin

3788d0db72fjuly 150x112 The Amercian Way

It’s Veterans Day here in the U.S.: a day we set aside to honor those who have and are serving in our country’s military. There are many fabulous ways to do this. This is not one of them. Now, I happen to know that a fair number of military personnel read this blog – a fact I find both humbling and just a teensy bit alarming, since I’m not sure those who share my twisted sense of humor should have access to heavy artillery. (Holy Hand Grenade, anyone?) On the other hand, I do so enjoy all the e-mails with the giant “DECLASSIFIED” stamps on them – and I’m pretty sure my coolness quotient went up about 1000% when a guy in uniform asked to have his photo taken with me at our last signing in Atlanta. (Hi, Paul!) So in your honor, my dear veterans, here are some patriotic cake designs that will sure ly bring a tear to your eyes. Because nothing says “America” quite like a dead, blank-eyed dog with a flag stuck in his head. …

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Oh What a Difference a Letter Can Bake

October 16, 2009 – 8:30 am | by admin

7638425f37fruit 150x112 Oh What a Difference a Letter Can Bake

Sure, they’re easy mistakes; anyone can make them. And really, you wouldn’t think that one letter would matter all that much in the grand scheme of things, would you? Well, until now. I think I speak for young Matthew here when I say: if he gets birthday racks, his day will most definitely rock. Dude, even if this cake made sense , it wouldn’t make sense. Wait. You mean you didn’t intend to introduce your man to the exclamation point? Alright, listen up, “A”: It’s just a jump to the left… And “R”, now you step to the rii-iii-iiight. Tracey T., Deanna H., Sho M., & Myra M., let’s do the Time “Wrap” again! – Related Wreckage: I’m This Many

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